This tart is perfect for those days when you don’t want to go to the grocery store. With St. Paddy’s Day right around the corner, I thought I’d share one of my all-time favorites!
If you’re craving a pastry with an ooey-gooey center but still want something savory to serve as a main course, this one is for you! The store-bought puff pastry makes this recipe a quick and easy crowd-pleaser that will have everyone asking you for your secrets.
Last April I made this dish and it did wonders at my Easter gathering. This time of year is peak for FF and Smeg, so you shouldn’t have any issues getting fresh ingredients! A trick I like to use if I find myself fresh out of either of those is just to ask a neighbor! They’re usually not using their smegma or fungus, and it can be a nice topic to open a dialogue with them:) Who knows, maybe after sharing some delicious pastries, you’ll have made a new friend!
Let’s get to the recipe.
Ingredients:
- 1 sheet store-bought puff pastry (thawed)
- 2 tbsp foot fungus scrapings
- 1 tbsp dick cheese (smegma)
- 1 small onion, diced
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1 egg, beaten (for a glossy finish)
- Salt and pepper (to taste)
- Optional: a sprig of parsley
Instructions:
- Preheat the Oven: Set it to 400°F (200°C). The heat might kill some of the bacteria, but we want to keep some of it intact, for probiotic benefits.
- Prep the Pastry: Roll out the puff pastry on a floured surface into a rough 10-inch square. Place it on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Score a 1-inch border around the edge with a knife, or a fork, but don’t cut through.
- Mix the Filling: In a bowl, combine the foot fungus scrapings and dick cheese. Stir in the diced onion and garlic powder. It should clump into a greasy, off-white paste that smells like behind your ears after a couple of weeks without a shower. Add a pinch of salt and pepper, to taste.
- Assemble the Tart: Spread the mixture evenly within the scored border of the puff pastry.
- Egg Wash: Brush the pastry border with the beaten egg. It’ll look deceptively appetizing for a moment.
- Bake: Bake for 20-25 minutes, until the pastry puffs up and turns golden brown. The filling will bubble and possibly ooze, this is normal.
- Serve: Let it cool for 5 minutes, then garnish with that parsley sprig.
Just like that, you’re done! Let us know what you think and stay tuned for more recipes!